Cultivating Realistic Hope: Recognizing Loss and Arresting Despair

cultivating realistic hope series Jan 27, 2021

Are you seeing the signs of despair?

I wouldn’t be surprised. In a time of increased restrictions including stay-at-home, social-distancing, and quarantine, we are at greater risk of isolation and loneliness with serious implications.

We are wired with a fundamental need to connect with and feel accepted by others at differing levels depending on our introversion or extroversion. This can explain why some of us are willing to risk the suggested guidelines, rules, and even laws regarding “stay-at-home.” When social-distancing interrupts our need to connect and create supportive relationships, there is a powerful and detrimental effect on our physical and psychological health: loss, loneliness, and despair.

Researchers Louise C. Hawkley, PhD and John T. Cacioppo, PhD, describe loneliness as a distressing feeling equivalent to physical pain. Their study, published in 2010, found that left untended, loneliness has serious consequences for cognition, emotion, behaviour, and physical health. Loneliness can even shorten our life expectancy.

Understanding Despair

In psychology, despair is the feeling of hopelessness: that things are profoundly wrong and will not change for the better. Despair is one of the most negative and destructive of human afflictions. During difficult times, despair is common.

Typically, despair dissipates over time as a crisis is resolved. But when a crisis goes on for an extended period of time and despair doesn’t dissipate, it becomes chronic: it impairs our functioning and quality of life. When such despair is profound—when we feel existentially helpless, powerless, and pessimistic about the future—we may be experiencing clinical despair: we feel hopeless about life and the future.

Arresting Despair

Viktor Frankl, an existential psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor, described despair as meaningless suffering and created a simple formula to identify it: despair equals suffering without meaning: D=S-M. Finding meaning can arrest despair. Creating a vision will boost resilience to intervene despair.

Recognizing self-defeating behaviour and taking steps to correct the behaviour can create meaning. However, when despair stems from clinical depression or bipolar disorder, treatment by a professional is required. In either example, when despair persists despite intervention and/or treatment, additional support is required.

As C.G. Jung once said, "We cannot change anything unless we accept it."

If we are ignoring, or denying our loneliness, sadness, anxiety, or despair, we are cutting off our true selves, and drifting toward clinical despair and depression. Instead, we must recognize feelings and loss: our circumstances, thoughts, and feelings. This often requires great courage. And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you are experiencing despair, reach out to a qualified professional. A qualified and credentialled coach may be your first step. However, a qualified and credentialled coach is trained and bound by ethical standards to refer you to other psycho-social and health-care professionals when required: a social worker, therapist, or doctor can help, and many are now available for video or virtual sessions.

Clinging to false hope may serve the valuable purpose of survival for a period of time. Ultimately, however, false hope hinders moving past the despair of trauma. Cultivate realistic hope instead.  

What do you think? Where are you “emotionally” at this moment? What losses have you, or are you, experiencing? What are you doing to arrest despair?  I would like to hear from you. You can reach me at 416-804-4383, on LinkedIn and Maestro’s Facebook.

What actions are you taking to manage change and cultivate realistic hope for your personal and professional transformation and wellbeing in 2021?

Bring inspiration and realistic hope back into your life and move away from hopelessness and overwhelm both personally and professionally. Watch my recent interview with Eve Wahn on YouTube. “Boost Resilience & Results with Your 3D Vision”

Effective change for transformation is not a DIY project. Let’s start the conversation about effective change and transformation for your business and for you. Let’s work together to implement effective change that feeds your realistic hope and optimism even when change is forced upon you, when change blind-sides you, or when fear immobilizes you.

I work with women business owners to thrive in work and life by validating their choices and amplifying their voices. These women are moving forward with realistic hope and adapting their behaviour in situations that require a different approach. Key tools and resources for leading dynamic change and transformation in business, work, and life include:  TRACTION (EOS Model) and Emotional Intelligence

Start with the complimentary online mini-course “Your Building Blocks to Emotional Well-Being and Resilience

Contact me at [email protected], at 416-804-4383, on LinkedIn and Maestro’s Facebook.

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