Burnout vs. Self-Abandonment: Understanding the True Crisis

Burnout has been a buzzword for many years, leading us to believe in and internalize the crisis! Numerous books examine the issue (crisis) and its causes. All too often, the instinctive reaction is to assign blame rather than investigate the underlying cause. Some argue that the responsibility lies with corporations, but many of us have learned to place blame on individuals and ourselves. One thing is clear: women business owners, executives, and professionals are often the most severely impacted. Many women feel their only options are to switch careers or retire entirely. For some, burnout becomes the trigger for severe or chronic illness, leaving them without a choice.

We often discuss overwork and stress as causes, but what if there’s something more profound and more insidious? Something deeper, yet equally draining? Enter self-abandonment, the hidden culprit behind that constant exhaustion. Sound familiar?

By neglecting our own needs, values, and passions, we set ourselves on a path that ultimately leads to burnout, regardless of whether we work for a corporation, run our own business, or are self-employed. However, here’s the good news: with self-awareness and a commitment to developing other areas of emotional intelligence, we can turn things around.

This post explores the concept of self-abandonment, its role in contributing to burnout, and strategies for cultivating self-love to achieve a more fulfilling personal and professional life.

What Is Self-Abandonment?

Self-abandonment is more than simply putting others first; it’s a pattern of continuously ignoring your own needs, values, and desires. It stems from a desire to please others rather than doing what is best for ourselves. It stems from the pressure to meet external expectations or conform to societal norms. Self-abandonment is so harmful and insidious because we often participate willingly or without realizing it, even when it harms our well-being.

For women remastering their life and work in their Executive Encore, particularly after corporate life, it’s easy to lose sight of what's important to them or what's best for them. This can happen when they consciously or unconsciously prioritize family obligations, new business ventures, or social expectations tied to ageism, putting their dreams on the back burner once again.

Common examples of self-abandonment that you might recognize include:

• Suppressing personal opinions to avoid conflict.
• Opting for roles, careers, or projects that align with others’ expectations and goals rather than your passions and goals.
• Ignoring signs of physical or emotional exhaustion to keep up appearances.
• Saying “yes” to every request, even when it’s overwhelming or not in your best interest.

The behaviours associated with self-abandonment can often feel like acts of sacrifice or devotion. However, over time, these behaviours create a growing disconnect between you and the life you have dreamt of and that you truly deserve. Self-abandonment often manifests as excessive self-sacrifice, which can ultimately foster resentment and negativity. Left unchecked, self-abandonment can undermine the very foundation of what you’ve worked so hard to build. It can jeopardize what you have built for yourself.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Self-Abandonment

Recognizing self-abandonment is the first step to addressing it. In addition to the examples above, here are some common signs to watch for:

• Chronic Stress. Are you constantly "in a state" of feeling tense or overwhelmed? This may not only stem from work but also from neglecting relaxation, restorative practices, and joy.
• People-Pleasing. Do you say “yes” without thinking about what's best for you? Do you carry out obligations to avoid guilt, or worry excessively about disappointing others? People-pleasing compromises your time and energy. It can also lead to feelings of duplicity and dishonesty, as you may feel compelled to fabricate excuses when saying "no" or changing your mind.
• Lack of Healthy Boundaries. Struggling to set or reinforce healthy boundaries is a classic marker of self-abandonment. Without healthy boundaries, it’s easy for others’ priorities to overshadow your own. Their needs take precedence over yours, fostering or reinforcing your sense of inadequacy or diminished self-regard and self-trust. Healthy boundaries encompass all aspects, including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
• Suppressing Passions. Have you fallen into the habit of relegating your hobbies, creative outlets, interests, or personal dreams to the back burner? Failing to make time for your passions can lead to feelings of resentment, a sense of lost opportunity, emptiness, and regret. Resentment directed inward is like a slow-acting poison, gradually eroding your well-being from within.
• Constant Fatigue. If you’re always tired despite getting adequate rest, it could be a sign of emotional exhaustion from constantly denying your authentic self.

Do you catch yourself saying, "This is just who I am," or "It’s too late to change"? These thoughts can lead you down the path of critical self-abandonment.

How Self-Abandonment Drives Burnout: The Role of "Shoulds" in Keeping the Flame Alive

Self-abandonment and burnout are connected. When we continually neglect our needs and live in alignment with what we think we “should” do rather than what we truly need or want to do to feel fulfilled, we create a life that feels misaligned.

Here are some examples of how ignoring your own needs can lead to self-abandonment:

• Pursuing roles, projects, or ventures that don’t ignite your passion can leave you feeling unmotivated and exhausted.
• Being the “go-to person” for others can deplete your energy, leaving little time to care for what is essential to or best for you.
• Ignoring your personal capacity limits can perpetuate a relentless cycle of overwork and stress.

Burnout becomes inevitable when life feels like it’s on autopilot, driven by others’ expectations and demands rather than your aspirations and your needs.

The Journey to Self-Love

The antidote to self-abandonment is self-love. Perhaps "extreme self-love". It’s not a matter of being self-centred; it’s about fostering a healthy relationship with yourself. Here’s how to get started:

Build Self-Awareness. Dedicate time to gaining a deeper understanding of yourself. Reflect on these questions:

• • What does make me happy? What would self-fulfillment look like, feel like?
  • What leaves me feeling drained or resentful? Whose expectations or demands contribute to these feelings?
  • Which aspects of my life feel misaligned with the person I aspire to be and the way I wish to present myself to the world?

Tools like journaling, mindfulness, or working with a professional coach can help uncover these answers.

Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries. Learning to say “no” is not easy, but it is essential to protecting your well-being. An automatic "yes" without considering your needs and limits first is saying "no" to yourself; it's self-neglect. Self-neglect can jeopardize both your immediate and long-term well-being. Work with a professional coach to help you define your boundaries and learn how to master assertive communication, ensuring your needs are met. Healthy boundaries protect your overall well-being, energy, and time while teaching others how to treat you. Healthy boundaries help you build self-trust by mastering the ability to commit to the meaningful promises you make to yourself.

Prioritize Extreme Self-Care. Extreme Self-care is not indulgent nor pampering; it is necessary to your overall well-being. Prioritize time for practices that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether that’s yoga, meditation, an activity that induces a sense of flow, or regular walks. Even simple rituals like a quiet morning coffee can be grounding.

Reconnect with Passions. What hobbies, activities, or interests have you abandoned? It's not necessary to find what "sets your soul on fire". It can be a quiet awakening of what might add to your sense of fulfillment. If it’s been a while since you’ve reflected on anything like this, firstly, that's a sign of self-abandonment; secondly, the question might feel a bit challenging to answer. Take time to let your heart and mind wander freely. Reflect on what you loved doing before life demanded all your focus as a responsible adult. Within those memories lie insights and hidden clues that can reignite your sense of joy and curiosity, inspiring you to explore new ideas and revisit old passions. By making space for what truly matters, you can rediscover what brings you happiness and purpose, infusing your days with renewed energy and fulfillment.

Remastering and Rebuilding Your Life Around Your Values. Self-love is the foundation, but lasting change happens when you remaster and rebuild your life around what truly matters to you. This requires consistent focus, reevaluation, reset, and action, but the results are worth it:

Align Daily Actions With Your Values. With every decision and choice you make, how you spend your time, the projects you pursue, or the people you choose to work and socialize with, ask yourself: "Does this align with my values?"

Foster a Sense of Purpose. As you remaster your life and work in your Executive Encore, pursue what inspires and excites you. Even add a bit of risk to the formula. Whether it’s entrepreneurship, consultancy, creative work, or advocacy, first seek to align with your personal definition of success. Elevate your SMART goals to SMARTER goals.

Seek Support and Community. You don’t have to do this alone. Accelerate your growth by building connections with like-minded women, partnering with a mentor, investing in a professional coach, or joining empowering networks like the Executive Encore Community. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can make all the difference.

Final Words: Thrive by Embracing the "Me First" Mindset

Finding fulfillment isn’t just about avoiding burnout; it’s about learning to prioritize yourself. Letting go of self-abandonment may feel challenging, but it’s more than just breaking a habit; it’s profound inner work that forms the foundation of a transformative journey. This journey is all about self-awareness, intentional action, and embracing the "Me First" mindset with a commitment to personal growth. The reward? Building self-trust and unlocking a whole new way of living in your Executive Encore. The best part? It’s absolutely possible! Ready to take that step?

By prioritizing your needs, values, and passions, you create a life aligned with who you want to be and how you want to live. Not only does this help prevent burnout, but it also sparks personal growth, renewed energy, and a sense of purpose. And, it is never too late!

Are you ready to remaster your life and work into something you love? Connect with our Executive Encore Community and continue to be inspired and supported in transforming your Executive Encore. This is where it begins.

Are you seeking additional guidance and inspiration? Executive Encore coaching programs offer personalized strategies, assessments such as RAISEC and EQ 2.0, and other tools to help you prepare for and thrive during this transformation.  

Next Steps: 

You don't need to tackle this transformation alone. Learn about a different and more effective way to take charge of your Executive Encore experience. Contact me on my website's Contact Page or schedule an Executive Encore: 30-Minute Complimentary Call. 

Are you ready to redefine your encore chapter? Share your story or join the Executive Encore community of supportive women prepared to uplift and inspire. Together, let’s turn uncertainty into unstoppable momentum and build the Executive Encore movement!

Additional Resources

The Real Crisis Is Not Burnout! It’s Self-Abandonment: Reclaim Personal Love for Fulfillment, YouTube video podcast with Clara Lucia Jaramillo-Carrier, M.A., PCC, 26 minutes

Evolving from Duty to Desire: the Power of Embracing the "Me First" Mindset., Patricia Muir, Encore Blog, August 30, 2024, 5-minute read